when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
