As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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