Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
