i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
