Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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