Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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