i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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