I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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