So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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