Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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