I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
