So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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