if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
