Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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