Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
3 2 1 whiskey
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
