ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
