Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
