apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
