my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Green mimosas i think yes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Randomize
