We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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