Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
