I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The struggles of a small town man whore
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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