Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
