Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Drake has all the answers
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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