Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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