Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
