I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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