I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
