woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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