Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
