Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
