that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
