life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just forgot I was standing up.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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