my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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