you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
