he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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