yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
