And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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