its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
