I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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