Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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