our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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