I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I stole a fireplace last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
