just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
