I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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