the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize