Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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