Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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