How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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