u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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