just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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