yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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