she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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