remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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