i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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