I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
