if you like me you must not know who I am
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
