Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
