We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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