He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize