At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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