I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
