Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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