i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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