the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize