Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
